Kids and Sports: Confessions of a Fanatic Parent
By Robert Latkany, MD, edited by Barbara Lock, MDNovember 14, 2009
You know that fanatic dad on the sidelines of the soccer field or basketball court who screams complex instructions at the top of his lungs at their kids? The guy who harbors secret hopes that their son or daughter will be the next child athlete phenome du jour? The guy who never steps up to be the coach, but offers direction and demands total attention from each and every player anyway? The guy who sets up special sports equipment in the yard and assigns their kids sports homework? I have a confession to make. I am that guy.
I learned how to be a sports fanatic at my parent's knees. My own mother used to take us kids to the track and time us as we ran around. At age 6, I held the New York State record for the mile (six minutes and 23 seconds). My own father had me on so many basketball teams that I frequently was a member of two different teams in the same league. It was a lot of fun until we had to play against each other. Imagine an 8 year-old having to explain to his
teammates that he has to play for this other team because they are slightly better and more likely to win.
I also remember numerous occasions when I was playing several sports at the same time, sometimes leaving at half time from one game to make the last quarter of another. Considering I had 2 other brothers and 2 sisters who were also involved in their fair share of sports, my parents somehow managed to drive us to all the games. One time I sat crying in the upstairs bedroom because my father and brother were late driving back from one game, making me late for my own game. Heartbreak!
There are other fanatic sports parents out there, for sure, like the ones who make hockey rinks in the back yard using plastic sheeting and a hose, the ones who get up before dawn so that someone can swim or skate, and the ones who give up their own careers for the sake of the sports glory of their child. But I was sure that my brand of parental involvement was just right. Just right, that is, until this weekend. The wake-up call came when I noticed that my athletic and enthusiastic 6 year-old daughter regressed on the soccer field in terms of skills and achievement. As she heard me screaming advice, she became hesitant, unsure of what to do. She did that flopping sort of walk, you know the one, with her head back, her eyes rolled, her arms by her sides palms open, that said it all: "what more do you want from me?" I finallly realized that the screaming on the sideline by me was ridiculous and counterproductive.
While I do not want to become one of those parents who turn their back on the game to talk on the cell phone, or the ones who drop the kids off and miss the whole thing, I do want to modify my involvement towards support and away from criticism.
It turns out that researchers have studied the effects of parental pressure on competitive performance. And guess what? When parents and coaches pressure children, they become overly focused on mistakes and failure, they doubt their actions, and become less competent in the eyes of their teammates, according to Ommundsen et al. Supportive climates, on the otherhand, led to quality friendships, and absence of worries of achieving goals.
Overtraining and burnout may be a result of parental pressure to compete and succeed according to Brenner et al. Van-Yperen and colleague found that an increase in performance over a season was a result of hard work and supportive parents.
Another reason to lay off the heavy sideline commentary: children learn poor sportsmanship (sportspersonship?) from coaches and spectator behaviors first, according to Shields et al. So I'll be to blame when my children are ranting on the sidelines of their own children's games.
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